


Sweet Tooth

by Who_First



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Candy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-30
Updated: 2012-04-30
Packaged: 2017-11-04 13:52:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/394597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Who_First/pseuds/Who_First
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eating candy sexily can be hard. Somewhat harder is what comes next</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweet Tooth

It was weird how much candy and other type of sweets had been randomly showing up. Tim wasn’t exactly against it, after the first several pounds of assorted treats had been tested until there was nothing left and showed no signs of any type of toxins or messing.

Random perfectly normal treats just started appearing. All kinds too.

The first time he finally gave in and ate some of the candy it was a lollipop. Lemon flavored and very tasty. Dick had been sitting at the table when Tim walked in, giving to lollipop an intensely interested look, and then watched in dawning alarm as the candy was set down on the good cutting board and systematically chopped to pieces. Dick’s face was pale as Tim calmly tossed a small piece into his mouth before carefully gathering the others and leaving the kitchen.

He was pretty sure the banging noise as he left was Dick doing something incredibly silly. Being Dick as usual then.

It was really different candy, that’s what Tim still couldn’t figure out, some of it clearly very expensive while others were ones he’d bought before at the store.

The next time he ate one of the treats was a chocolate bar, straight from the manufactures in Europe with tamper proof labeling showing that the chocolate hadn’t been touched. Theoretically. Tim knew a few ways of getting around tamper proofing. But it was rich dark chocolate and there were gold flakes in it. He couldn’t in good conscience not eat it.

It was pure sin and he would never be able to eat another chocolate bar again.

But it was still divided into pieces, much like his lollipops, and eaten piece by piece over a week. Jason had stopped by at one point and caught him eating it, luckily not the first time when Tim had moaned in amazement at the flavors, but he glared at the chocolate and made a comment about lollipops being better.

A few days later Tim heard Dick and Jason arguing over candy and oblivious people. He figured that Dick was probably trying to woo another girl; or at least a redhead.

He found a box of pixi stix the next week and Dick was being overly loud about how everyone liked having a rush of sugar to brighten their day. Tim only ate one of the stix in the Manor, with all three of his brothers watching, just dumping the whole thing in his mouth like Kon had mentioned once.

Jason was nice enough to pound on his back when colored powder exploded out his nose. He ignored the laughing, a surprisingly small amount from Damian while Dick and Jason exchanged confused and exasperated looks. The rest of the stix were then doled out to Kon and Bart when they pleased him. Pavlov’s training worked really well on his friends.

Except then they gave him ice cream, _at least he knew where it was coming from_ , but they insisted that he eat it right then. In front of them. Tim rolled his eyes after the silent staring was long enough that Bart started vibrating. Then he grabbed one of the push pops and savagely crunched through it, half sneering as the cold hurt his teeth, and demolished the frozen treat in seconds.

Kon muttered something about Dick being totally right, which he got the confused glare of disapproval from Tim for, while Bart just vibrated more thoughtfully and ate the rest of the pops that Tim refused to touch.

After that the influx of candy exploded. And not just that but random superheroes would stop by to talk with him with treats in hand or when he was already eating treats. It was getting ridiculous when Catwoman stopped in the middle of a fight to give him some licorice candies, shaped like whips and actually rather tasty, and gave him to oddest look.

The final point that made Tim stop and really try to figure out _why_ he was receiving so many treats was when he’d been captured by Lex Luthor and given chocolate covered strawberries while he waited for Kon to show up.

That’s when Tim stopped and considered his life. Heroes and villains were giving him candy to watch him eat it, and he knew who had sent that amazing chocolate, the ninjas weren’t that good the third time.

So like many things in his life that made absolutely no sense to Tim he decided to ask Dick who would probably give him an answer. Or Jason. Actually even Damian might work because Tim was sure he hadn’t sent any of the treats.

“It’s because you can’t eat candy sexually, Baby Bird.”

“Wait-what?”

“Sorry Timmy, but it’s true, it’s scary watching you eat sweets. No lollipop should be drawn and quartered like that.”

“But- I don’t understand.”

“That is obvious Drake. Otherwise you would have realized when it first started that the plebeians were trying to find some type of treat that made you look _sexual_.”

“What?!”

Tim watched in shock as his brothers shrugged in unison and left. Then he was thinking back to the many treats he’d eaten recently and not all of the looks he’d gotten were what he now realized was disbelief. Now that he understood well… well he was still getting those chocolate bars and Luthor had offered to have the strawberries the next time he ‘stopped by’.

~~~~

After finding out that the way he ate candy was ‘scary’, at least to your average super hero the villains were made of sterner stuff, Tim sat down for some study time. Okay so he sat outside a candy store café and watched how other people ate candy.

Lollipops for example not actually chopped up for easier eating but in fact sucked on and tongued with impunity. When the young woman spending so much attention on her candy caught him staring she grinned and licked it slower while waggling her eyebrows at him. Tim turned beat red and hid behind his coffee and book.

But it was interesting. For the next week, whenever he had a moment of free time, Tim would stand in front of the mirror and practice eating the lollipop the way she did. It was hard at first, it took forever to eat the darn thing, and it kept sticking to his lips and making them sticky.

Then it was time to test if he’d improved.

It took a while for the right moment, giving him plenty of practice with different styles of licking, but then there was an incident involving the Young Justice team against one of Luthor’s plots. Nothing majorly bad, so Tim felt comfortable pulling out a lollipop and testing his hypothesis. Plus Luthor had always been a blunt and honest person.

Then the majority of his team vanished, leaving him and Cassie facing a widely grinning Lex Luthor who congratulated Tim on his new skill with the lollipops and told him that anytime he wanted more Luthor would be happy to buy him a lollipop company.

Cassie abruptly turned red and started swearing about perverted old men that shouldn’t be looking at her teammates that way. Tim turned as red as his suit and promised to let the millionaire know.

Sadly the news of his lollipop improvement got around quickly. As in one again there were random superheroes and villains giving him the candy with expectant looks. Tim tried to let them down easily but he had the vague feeling someone might have caught footage of him and his lollipop.

Dick, Jason, and Damian did not get to see at all because Tim was still a tiny bit annoyed with them. Likewise when the ninjas appeared with his weekly chocolate bar and some lollipops, Tim took the chocolate and glared until the ninjas slunk away.

One of them had a video camera with them.

Still Tim returned to people watching, glowing red when he watched the same girl with other treats, and started practicing how to eat anything at all ‘sexually’. It seemed to involve a lot of slow licking and sucking at the tip no matter what kind of treat it was.

Tim is pretty sure he saw Superman fall out of the sky once when he was practicing with an ice cream bar in the park.

Of course by the end of another month Tim was sitting with his favorite watchee and getting real lessons on how to eat things and gather everyone’s attention while doing it. His new friend was a high class companion who did this for a living and was perfectly happy to show him all the tricks of the trade.

Such as using clear lip gloss to make your lips shinier and draw even more attention.

Tim felt very accomplished and proud of himself the day Ra’s and Slade came to blows while he was eating candied fruits. Months of practice and he could send anyone into excitement.

It wasn’t much later that Tim realized this had backfired majorly when he woke up _naked_ in chains and to a banquet of deserts and candies of all types.


End file.
